He was hurt by THAT?? Wth. This is just weird. Of course he doesn’t deserve your friendliness. But you do what you do because you’re in control of it. Don’t give in to his pity party though. Your H sounds like he still has a lot of growing up to do.
He is an enormous people pleaser. When I say he wants everyone to like him and find him entertaining and engaging I'm not kidding. A huge part of the reason he picked me years ago and was able to be with me as long as he had vs. what he normal went for is while I didn't mind stroking his ego I absolutely refused to gas him up when he didn't deserve it. When he wasn't funny I'd say it. When he was rude I'd say it. When he was thoughtless or unkind I'd say it. Even in the early days. He is a funny, intelligent, kind guy, most of the time. But he has the capability (clearly given our circumstances) to be hopelessly self involved and self indulgent. He can make jokes at other peoples expense and because 10 other people are laughing that 1 person, the butt of the joke, their feelings aren't considered. He lives his life on social media because he lives for those likes. He will sometimes do kind things so he can post about it. He likes getting claps for being a good dad and will fake the good dad thing on social media so he can feel like he is being an amazing dad when's he's being a sh1t one. A lot of the conversations we've had since all of this started has circled around how he is never good enough for me and he doesn't think he ever will be. I'm not a nagger by nature. The nature of our relationship has always been if that's what you want to do, do it. You're an adult. But my disappointment in him is/was felt by him like a child when a parent is disappointed. He is one of the most insecure people I've ever met in my life. The idea that I was so hurt by what he's done that not only did I go entire weeks here or there without even speaking to him, that I was willing to sacrifice our friendship and kept things away from him I know he'd like just because I felt he didn't deserve it was an enormous blow not only to his ego but a slap in the face of how badly he really had hurt me. He didn't want to hear that. He didn't want to know that. And yeah, he does, he has a lot of growing up to do. It's why so many people thought I was good for him. He had no choice but to be a grown up around me. I wouldn't tolerate any less. Until I had no choice in the matter any more.
Originally Posted by wooba
Wayfarer, one thing I absolutely love about you is your humor. Your H probably misses that too. And that’s nothing a meme/video could replace. And I agree with you that I hate playing the game too. But one thing I also realized through all this is that it’s all part of human nature. You don’t want get too comfortable and you don’t want H to get too comfortable. Not that you have to go all in and do the whole seduction crap, but sometimes just little things to keep the prize far away enough might be the key (not talking about just sex here). And sometimes you gotta dangle the prize right in front of them as a reminder. In this case, is the kind of enjoyment he gets only when he’s with you.
That's where I'm at at this point. R2C got my wheels turning about the seduction things when H made a comment about my body for the first time. That was the first time I realized H's fog was lifting just enough that he could see me as attractive. Up until that point he made it pretty clear I was either a cloven foot animal or basically his sister or some kind of minotaur with boobs.So I started reading up on seduction. Like you said, wooba, I plan to dangle that carrot. He wants to flirt. I'm going to flirt. He wants to ignore me that's fine too. I got other things to do. As long as this is filling a need for me I'll lean in a little. But only enough to keep me off tinder for the time being
