According to H, he and MIL had a big fight about money over the phone.
A bit of background: H and MIL have always had a volatile relationship. There is a huge unresolved issue/thing between them regarding H’s childhood trauma. But H chooses not to address it because he thinks it would be pointless. His parents would not be intelligent enough to process what happened in the past and it will only hurt them. But there is a lot of anger from H when MIL says/does something nonsensical (which happens often enough...). The pattern has always been that emotions get blown up, they argue over the phone, one of them hangs up, not talk for x days/weeks, and H will simmer down and call MIL back to reconcile. Oh yes....and throughout all this I’ve always been the “fixer,” trying to get him to repair his relationship with his mom.
So this time, long story short- H has been giving her spending cash regularly for the past year. I know about this and do not object. She is not struggling financially, she just likes receiving cash. H would hand her some cash here and there when we go visit. Mostly to appease her, and also to ease his guilt for not wanting to spend a lot of time with his parents.
Few days ago she outright told H that he didn’t give her enough the last time he was there. So H was furious and said to her “have I not given you enough over the past few months??” And one of them hung up the phone. So they haven’t talked for a few days.
Today H was telling me that he wish she would just die. Horrible I know, and it’s not the first time he’s said it. I didn’t say anything until I slipped into fixer mode and said, “well...have some compassion...she is going through a rough time too.” Which he cut me off and screamed “F compassion!!!!”. It startled me and kept my heart bumping for a few mins. So I immediately stopped engaging and went back to reading my book. And then he tried to salvage the situation by changing the subject and making small talk.
Anyway, my Q is - should I contact MIL? Before I would call and check up on her just making sure she’s feeling okay. She has been good to me...even though the money thing is crazy talk, I don’t hold it against her. I think she feels lonely because since BD I haven’t called her to chat, and we haven’t been visiting her much either. H is telling me no. Don’t contact her. I sort of want to reach out but at the same time I don’t want to get involved in their crazy fight. Now typing it out maybe I’ve found my answer.....I should just stay out of it. Trying to picture what my relationship would be like with my in-laws we’re divorced. Probably exactly like this...no calling, minimal visiting.
