LH: Hurts my detachment; At the same time, doesn't it strengthen the positive neuro pathways she has about us making her question things? I didn't ask her, I was asked.

AnotherStander: I was reflecting on all the things I've already done in terms of ways that I've changed that I'm grateful for, not necessarily saying I plan to work on all those things. Over the past four years, I've grown a ton because m wife has pushed me, and I'm grateful for that. The most recent piece is learning how to live with feelings - and I'm excited about that.

My wife's big issue was emotional connection. And working through all of her resentments, mostly related to being left at home after the baby and a traumatic pregnancy. In counseling, we never dove into that pregnancy and the pain around it which was a fail in retrospect.

Now after we danced and put the kids to bed, that's when you all would have been pissed at me. I was reading and she got a beer and offered to get me one, I said sure. And then she asked me about my day. I told her I had a weird day and then went on to tell her about it.

I told her that I had some weird coincidences occur over the past couple of days and that I had been praying a lot. I told her that it came to me with clarity the pain she went through after the birth of our daughter and how she felt left at home alone and how I made it worse, and I apologized for it. She began to cry quiet tears, just running down her cheeks. I also thanked her for helping me to become a better man and I went over some of the things I outlined above.

I told her it was hard to know what to share and what to hold in because of where we were, she asked me to share. I shared with her a poem I wrote recently about my grandmother and she cried as she read it. It was very intimate emotionally. She talked about her deceased grandfather and how she wishes she could see him again.

The night got a bit late and I said it was time to go to bed. As we fell asleep she said "Thank you for sharing tonight"

Now I know that is not our of Divorce Busting 101, I get it.

I also want to point out, because it's been brought up a lot, I am the Alpha in the house. This is a real struggle for my wife as she wants to be equal partners. I generally appear impervious to pain and insults, I seem uncaring and unemotional, I'm physically a bit imposing, and I have never shared my feelings or been able to get in touch with them. Through all our counseling my wife wanted to connect emotionally. I'm not going to let this happen every day, I understand that it would become weak if that were the case and appear as manipulation. But showing her a soft side that I'm working on, that she wants and letting her know its there has got to be good.

Tonight I have a men's club meeting and I'll probably stay out till 8:30p or 9p. If I get home at a reasonable hour I'll turn on a show to create a break from the intensity of yesterday's conversation.

I've really struggled with the meeting with the pastor tomorrow, but it's on so, for now, I'm planning on it, I'll pray and reflect on that through today. It strikes me as an extreme risk and I am worried about it but I didn't have space to bring it up last night, in regards to canceling it. Our pastor asked for the meeting when I called to seek personal council.

This morning as we were getting the kids out the door, she made my eggs. That's also twice in the last week and probably the second time in the last four years. Acts of service is her love language. She took the kids to school and I was going to head to work, but I took the time to make her coffee and breakfast and I left her a short note that said "Have a great day".

Now that was probably too much.

I know that mediation starts on Monday. I know that to a degree this is my last chance. Kindness, gentleness, and empathy are the tools I believe for this battle. If I go cold I am telling you that I lose. The next 14 days are going to be very important to how this turns out. I have a call with my coach on Thursday to continue to prepare.

A 180 is seeing the negative that she expects and doing the opposite. She expects me to punish her, silent treatment, passive-aggressive behavior, sulk around the house and make life hard. That is a road I know well, I can't go down that road.