Thank you IHCLACS. She made plans for us today, I've told her I won't be seeing her as she still has methods of contact with OM and I v strongly suspect she is even still seeing him and I said she can't be working on our R while contact is still there.
Good! Now expect some lies and gaslighting. She'll deny she's talking to anyone, whether she is or not. She still needs to think she can lose you, and she needs to hit bottom before she'll truly be committed to recon.
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Up to to her now to sort out her mess.
It really is. She's going to look for the path of least resistance through this mess she's created. She's got to learn there isn't one, she's got some work ahead of her.
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The way I feel now I'm not even sure if we can come back from this as further contact with OM is so hurtful and would mean she's been lying to me during our 'honest' conversations. I suspect from her replies there is still contact. I'm NC/detached. Can anyone advise on next steps? When will I know if she is ready?
If you suspect it's going on then it probably is. Your next step is what everyone said above. Pull back. Don't pursue. Leave her be. Don't be so available to her. If she asks why you suddenly don't want to go out anymore then tell her what you said above- you're not interested until she's ready to make a 100% commitment, and you're not even sure if you'll be interested then.
