Murphy, its you !

[gzabetas]

Its been a while since I posted.

Almost 10 months divorced, and we both have moved on. In different countries. She has the kid so I visited her a few weeks ago for the first time in a while, to see my child.

I saw a different person in my ex. Welcoming me in her home, appeasing, the old jokes we had, the chemistry was all there. But what did it mean?

I cant forget the things this person did to me. I was crucified and humiliated and left for dead. She probably prayed for me to be dead.

And now … laughs, sweetness. Wait, is that our photo on the wall? This is all strange.

I give her a compliment about her new bedroom, which looks cool. I told her "you made it", and was happy for her.
Her independence. And she smiled and the same time held back a tear, as she palmed her eye as if in pain.
Too quick to miss, but I saw it. And I will always remember it. It hurt me more than her probably, but damn if I showed it to her. I pretended as if I didn't see it. Then it means it never happened.

After all this is what she wanted.
And I could sense for the first time, that she is regretting all of this.
its all sinking in now, the miracle we had, the bubble she left us for, and the fatality of our future.
But I cant forget that any future relationship with this person, would have me "sleeping with one eye open", since
she unleashed such weapons of mass destruction on me in the end. The fact that I lived is a miracle.

But there is our child looking at both of us, asking me to stick around longer. Showing me photos of all three of us.

I have no idea where I am even at in this phase.
Its a different kind of pain.
Wonder if anyone else has crossed this barrier.....