Peace and joy continue to beckon

[DnJ]

Hello Grace

I was typing as you were posting.

After reading your post I want to share where I am now.

I’ve been separated for 2 years 4 1/2 months. Officially divorced almost 11 months.

Coming up on 2 1/2 years of living alone, sleeping in my king sized bed alone. I haven’t been kissed or hugged. I miss embracing. I miss a relationship. I do miss her.

I do not need her. I have no pains or withdrawal. I remain compassionately indifferent. I care and don’t all at the same time.

I’ve worked passed fear. I’ve altered, strengthened, and live my beliefs.

My divorce did provide financial security and protection. I didn’t push for it - I didn’t need too, she was running so very hard and fast.

From where I am now. Aside from financial, divorce hasn’t made a huge difference. My life is not defined by my divorce, nor my separation, nor my XW’s behaviour and cruelty.

Stand for you. We all start standing for our M. We are hurt and really cannot doing anything but that. Standing really starts when you are healed and can stand down. I am standing for me.

Strange living single, and alone. I’ve keep my vows. I believe in my word. My divorce has nothing to do with my beliefs, my character, or my honour. It is just a piece of paper, and I live much like I did before - just single now. I still have faith, hope, compassion, forgiveness, etc... perhaps more actually. No not perhaps, I do have more!

My life is peaceful, gentle, and forgiving. It has nothing to do with being divorced. As in there is no direct cause and effect.

I’m not sure I would go as far to say I’m not divorced in my heart. Indifference is a strange land. I don’t see myself remaining single for the remainder of my years, although I also do see that. I suppose it is more I have no timelines or deadlines I’ve imposed. I do have a hopeful future - just not sure what I am hoping for. That’s my curse, seeing possibilities.

For what it’s worth, prolong your divorce, it doesn’t make things better or worse - you do that. Find your beliefs. And follow them.

Am I standing because of my vow? I’ve never actually answered that. Standing for me, it’s something more.

Is it for God? My faith? I don’t know. But I believe.

No single thing defines a person’s stand.

I look to feedback to see if what I feel and think is right. I told a friend here, change you and the world changes with you.

I smile, am happy, and whole. People respond. The world responds, it smiles backs. Thoughts and feelings are in line with beliefs. I sleep soundly, no nightmares. I have plenty of feedback and examples of living in line with my values.

Grace, something just felt like I should share. Take from this what you will and discard what doesn’t fit.

You have questions. Answers are coming. Have faith.

DnJ