Through The Storm III

[KristinG]

Hey guys and gals. I hope everyone had an enjoyable Vday and took Yail's advice indulging in ridiculous sweets and doing something only for you.

May - I have pondered on your thought of detaching in regards to WW's feelings toward me (both good and bad). I hadn't thought about it that way, and I'm sure you're correct in that I get far more emotionally invested when thinking of her feelings as concerning me. It will hopefully be very helpful to work towards curtailing expectations. I feel like we all in some way have hope for our relationships, but I find it difficult to reign in the expectations that sometimes accompany the hope. Especially when WS says or does something that could be viewed as commitment. I did a good job of trying to avoid pursuit in physical touch this weekend. Truthfully, I just tried to enjoy my time off work with friends and let things happen naturally.

WW initiated more "R" talk, which I'm oddly finding helpful to understand how she's feeling. I don't initiate or even engage nearly as much anymore. When she has a need to talk, I just listen. Recently, it seems as if she is being pursued pretty hard by AP and (while she admits it's really hard) she is finding it easier to say no. I'm not pressuring her to end things anymore, and have been trying to let go of any expectation of any future scenario. Giving up the control feels so much better than the spinning. She knows that she has a decision to make and that I won't wait forever. She says she's so tired, and that she knows that she wants our marriage. I'm just continue to give her (and myself) time. I have definitely been hearing a lot more "our future" statements the last couple of months and it is definitely hard not to attach any meaning.

Vday was good. I made myself some crispy chicken thighs, roasted okra, and roasted butternut squash. Made a big bubble bath and soaked with a nice bourbon.

KG