Pommy, I’m so sorry. Sending so many hugs. It’s so hard to get through these moments. Let yourself feel all the feelings you need to feel. I struggle with this, but I really do think it’s necessary to feel all the sadness and anger, etc. in order to continue detaching and become stronger in yourself. It sounds like H really needs to work out his unhappiness and is (wrongly) convinced it’s due to you and the R. This seems so common here, and I know it is similar with my H. It’s hard for me to internalize that this is not on us as LBSes to fix, but I know it’s true. Your H thinks he will find happiness away from the R, but he really has to find it in himself, and that is the real issue. I’m writing here what I’m trying to tell myself: letting your H go and discover he’s got to look within himself is perhaps just another step that’s needed on the path to a new marriage and a healthier H, if that is what future you would want.
