Today is such a hard day

[oceangrl]

Quick recap: My H had a long term affair 3 and 1/2 years ago. The past time has been rough. He has basically been putting his time in so he doesn't feel so bad when he divorces and can say "he tried." He basically tried the way you do the hokey pokey: one foot in and one foot out.

The past months he has been shutting me out. He refused to kiss me for the last year. If we are sitting next to each other he gets on facebook, texts for work, etc.

We have been married for 24 years in May. Three kids.

He had mentioned divorce in November, but yesterday he told me he wanted us to be friends and he wants a divorce. I told him I think what he is doing is wrong. I said he will tell the kids he wants the divorce. There is no "we."

Since then I haven't been able to sleep or eat. I am heartbroken. I've tried so hard. And I am scared. I am a stay at home mom. I haven't worked so he can travel out of town for work and so that my son can act (a parent has to sit with him on set). I am trying to give my situation without too much information.

My DB and GAL efforts may have backfired. He saw my detaching as proof that we are growing farther apart.

Today he asked to go on a walk with me. He told me I have no reason to be scared. In his mind we will be great friends. He said we can talk this through that we can do this together. He said we can't do it alone. He couldn't understand why I am scared of the future.

I do not know how to go on this walk with him. I don't know what to say. I don't want to be friends. He genuinely thinks this will be easy peasy clean and we will raise the kids together. Basically like married people but he can still date other people.

I feel like he is crazy. I don't know what to do or say. I am heartbroken, frightened and alone. I cannot believe he is going to break up our family. He will make me the bad guy for not making this easy and going along with his plans. I have dealt with his emotional abuse for so long (telling me the affair is my fault and then shutting me out -- not talking to me or touching me. I want to ask him when he is moving out but I don't know what is good or bad.

Please help me think clearly.