Now what# 3/cautious optimism

[BarbH]

Hi to everyone who helped me from this board during the last crazy months. To recap-after 25 years, H told me we were "done". I ended up asking him to leave. Found messages between him and a "workfriend" with whom he was clearly infatuated. All this while my mother ws slowly dying from Alzheimers, and I was recovering from breast cancer. 3 months later, he confesses to having had an affair 15 years earlier, which I knew nothing about. In my opinion, that was his MLC moment. He then spent 15 years feeling guilty and utimately our marriage went down the drain.

He wanted to come home early Sept '19. We have been working on it ever since.

Thank you again to this board, that helped me keep my mind on straight even though it's been the most difficult experience of my life.

Putting it back together is another incredible challenge. He seems to be much more committed to the process than I ever thought he would be, and for a man who stonewalled all conversation also seems to be elarning to come out of his shell. The strange thing I am finding is I feel I keep evaluating this process "Is he doing enough? Is it good enough? Is this what I deserve?" I guess at this point I need to trust our wonderful therapist who feels we are indeed making progress. Every time we hit a roadbump, it's interesting that he thinks it's worse than it is. He's feeling it's 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, I think it's 1/2 step back, therapist just thinks it's a roadbump.

I will be posting occasionally in piecing. I know that there are not many success stories that show up on this board, but I think I am heading towards being one of them.

What have I learned? Wow, to relax, to breath, to value my female friendships which I have rekindled, to value my male friends who have also helped me through, to understand that no matter what, I have friends, I am supported, I am valued, and I will be fine.

I tried searching back through the threads and couldn't find my old ones....