Last night was really great. Third weekend in a row we had plans, went out together, and had a lot of fun. We went to dinner at a very nice restaurant, shared a bottle of win, laughed and talked. She mentioned how she began to go numb to her feelings back when her life was threatened in pregnancy 8 years ago or so. I tried to steer away from relationship talk.
The show was good. It was very hard not to reach out to hold her hand or put my hand on her knee and I felt like she wanted me to but that was probably in my head. We got home and went to sleep and i just said Happy Valentines Day, which may have been mild pursuit, but I did not say I love you, which I don’t plan to say again at this point.
I didn’t take my melatonin and sleep was a struggle from 4am in but i tried to just stay in bed and get whatever rest I could because I need it. Today the whole family is planning to go to a friends birthday party. It’s karioke and video games. I really feel like I could shine in that arena. Or I could stay home and let them go, work out, and do this weeks grocery shopping. I’d prefer to go to the party with the family but I can feel the anxiety building which I can relieve when i workout.
Off to church with the family now and then on to family breakfast. As Job said, focus on the present and enjoy the moment.
