Stranger In My House Part 3

[HesAble]

Yay! Wishing us both joyful days. It's impressive you didn't let his V-Day antics affect you more.

I have impressed myself with how I have dealt with H's V Day antics!!! I have not spoken to or seen him since Friday morning and I am not even worried because he stays out so much now. This is the kind of behavior I expect from him now.

I think the second DB this week was the final straw. It was a wake-up call that made me realize that if I did not take some kind of control, I was going to become a complete emotional mess. I have got to stay strong for my children and be prepared to move forward without H.

My IC has been very instrumental in helping me get to this point. She has asked me to articulate exactly what I am losing if I lose the M. When I really started thinking about it, it was very difficult to articulate the good memories. H, even before this crisis, had a lot of faults. I did too but the problem is H always refused counseling even when we had major marital issues like his previous infidelity, his alcohol-related troubles, and his financial irresponsibility. I was always willing to work on my issues (SSM, irritability at H's unwillingness to do chores or help more with the kids, etc.) and to go to counseling, but he would refuse each time I offered. We did not have the tools to fix anything and eventually we both became bitter, then came BD.

I just realize now that H is an alien and I expected him to be out with his AP for Valentine's Day. I mentally prepared myself for the worst, expecting zero from him. I expect him to act like the sorry H he has become and nothing more. If he had come home, he would have greatly exceeded my expectations. Going forward, I expect nothing but the worst from him. This way, it will be less likely to feel disappointed.