As you know my W left me to handle the finances pretty much on my own when she left. Meaning she was barely contributing to our joint house and our son's expenses. Well...I've racked up some debt during this time as I also had to change my business around so I could look after our son. I'm probably near 20k in debt now (first time in 10 years I've had debt that wasn't a house) and I assume she's probably 10-15k in debt. Obviously if this past year had never happened neither of us would have any debt besides the house. Anyways...life goes on.
Today she mentioned she'd been invited to a Girls Trip that will cost around 1k. My issue is she asked me about going in regards to looking after our son but nothing about the cost of it. She has a history of poor money management. I've declined a trip my BIL's bachelor party because I can't justify paying 1k when I'm 20k in debt (and I don't want to leave my son for 4 days at this point while we are still in limbo). This would be her 3rd trip in the past 10 months while I'm sitting here managing the whole household. I'm sure someone will mention respect in their advice and let me have it - I've definitely been too easy and accommodating due to her depression. It's a tough line to walk on.
Things have been going much better over the past couple months but we haven't talked about this debt and what that means moving forward. And now I feel like we are on opposite pages and this needs to be addressed.
I'd like her to be fully aware of the position we are in but I also dont' want to place blame on her as I don't think that's healthy. But..she does need to recognize that their are consequences (maybe I need a better word) to her actions and while before this wouldn't be an issue things have changed. If we get back together we are probably 30k in debt and we need to have a plan to work out of it. I've been avoiding it b/c she has a lot on her plate but I can't keep pushing this conversation back. I also feel like if I'm not honest with our situation I don't give her an opportunity to show any growth in that area. Lastly, I'll just build up resentment and I know that's unhealthy.
Any advice before I talk with her?
H 37 W 31 S 2
T: 7 M: 4
BD 12/18 Separated 2/19 Living back together 04/06/2019 W Moved out again 07/15/2019
