Well tonight is definitely going to be wine and bath night. My god. We were in the house alone with no kids for hours. I guess technically we still are. First time since the EA started. I was trying to get some things done around the house and he called me back into the living room to ask me a question. We ended up talking for a long time. He initiated an R talk after a conversation we had about the girls. We talked about a lot of things. We first talked about what the future in two households is going to look like. He brought up that OW may move in in June as her lease is up then. Was weirdly encouraging about me online dating. And then things kinda shifted into what happened with us and how did we get here. By the end of the conversation he pulled my legs on to his and started rubbing them and my feet. We were still talking and I haven’t been touched in months. As much as my brain was screaming it was so nice to be touched again I just let it happen. It stopped at that. But I can see how easily LBS slip back in to bed with the WS now.
Don’t worry. I don’t think he’s going to leave OW anytime soon. Nor am I reading into this as some kind of covert message that he wants me. The reality is and I know this now he does want me. And he wants her. Just as much as he wants his old life and this new one. I know he’s just as confused as ever. All this really does is confirm for me that he is confused. And that he seems to sense detachment like a blood hound and tries one more behavior that’ll make me question my sanity and force me into a place where I have to remind myself that there’s no use analyzing any of it. We are truly in limbo now and I have a feeling we probably will be in June in two separate households. Sigh....
