Wooba, your H's fixation on you seeing someone else is his projection of his own affair. I didn't catch it first time through, but it's pretty common on most threads here. So no need to sit there and ask "Am I crazy? Did I say something once upon a time about that?". Likely you didn't.
I definitely thought about this too.
Last summer we were on vacation and stayed with my friend’s family. My S2 kept counting his money everyday, so finally I asked him, “Don’t you already know how much you have? Why do you need to count it everyday?” And he said, “I wanna make sure no one stole any!!!” I said to him don’t be silly, no one here would steal your money. He would even sit on his wallet when he’s eating lol. One day he was counting his money again, and I looked at his pile and said, “How come you seem to have more than before? I haven’t give you anymore allowance recently.” That’s when I found out that HE had stolen from the change jar in the house. The reason he was so paranoid this whole time of people stealing his money was because he stole!!!
So I’m definitely not ruling it out - my H’s paranoia about me seeing someone else is probably because HE’s seeing someone else. Do I say that to him though? “Are you paranoid about me because of you have someone else?” I’m thinking no, probably keep that thought to myself? I have no proof of anything. Nor would I try to find proof anyway.
Originally Posted by Yail
Gaslighting at it's finest. I'm not sure that H (or anyone in an A) is actively TRYING to make their LBS feel crazy. I don't think it's the active plan in their mind. But they do. By projecting their own guilt and accusing US of being the unfaithful ones.
I try to keep this in mind most of the time now when I speak to H. I am not crazy I am not crazy I am not crazy.
Originally Posted by Yail
My personal (non) favorite is the telling us that we will be better off without them. I mean, we will of course be fine. I am fine. My life is quite full and wonderful. But it was invaliding of my feelings to be told by XW that I would be better without her, or that "this is for the best". I realize now part of what makes those sentences hurt so much isn't about being left, but about not being heard by the person who claims to know us best and have our back.
I’m not sure how to feel about it when H says this. I mostly feel sorry for him. I’m not really hurt by it. It’s almost like- aw it’s sweet that you’re being considerate of me, thinking on my behalf based on all the wrong calculations.
I think he means it because he knows that he had been bringing all these negative energy into our lives. But at the same time- geez what do you know about what’s best for me? Don’t pretend for a second that you really are trying to do what’s best for me. Because you are selfish.
Sorry if that was hard to read. When I say “you” it’s directed at my H.
