I think the safety risk thing is BS. And she clearly knows it is BS or she wouldn't be OK with this arrangement. You have to just stop worrying about this because she's using it as a weapon to get you to do what she wants.
I know we're not supposed to mind-read and all but I have to indulge.
I don't think she thinks it is BS. I don't think she sees the inconsistencies. I don't think she sees how "stability" and "what's best for the kids" just happen to align exactly with what is in her best interest. She thinks I'm unsafe with the kids, the MR failure is my fault, and SHE is the one sacrificing.
How does she pull this mind-trick? It doesn't matter. Does she recognize the cognitive dissonance? Unlikely. I mean, EVERYBODY justifies what they do (self included) even if it is illogical and contradictory sometimes. It is the human condition. I think I've been patient enough by now. She is not approaching mediation with any openness to what I want.
Example circular logic:
Today, for instance, (via text) I said no to the special kid activity, for precisely the reasons you stated may (we shouldn't be making big decisions that affect schedule and money right now). She came back with how great it would be for them, how she was not okay with any alternative proposal, how stability was key for the kids, how the kids needed to know where they will live (um, I moved out and that didn't seem to be concerning), how she can't go back to work without knowing where she will live. She said all the professionals we have talked to point to the importance of stability in our kids' lives. (No they are just listening to what she says -- stability includes a balanced relationship with BOTH parents, right?) I responded that we are over-spending by a ridiculous amount and I go long stretches without seeing the kids which I felt was wrong. She said well we can talk about that in mediation. She is "happy to work on things." I said I wanted more time with the kids. She said I had been "assigned" actions to confirm work flexibility with my manager. I said I already had that, and asked exactly what she was looking for in order to change our schedule. She said, "We can talk about that in mediation, I'm not okay to text about that. Really looking forward to figuring out where the kids will live".
Next mediation session may be a month out...
Anyways, I normally avoid these text exchanges with her, but I'm not going to wait a month for a mediation session to figure out she won't budge. It's pretty clear that we aren't going to get anywhere that I want to go via mediation. She knows what I want, she's just not budging.
