Gift #3

[may22]

I know it's only been one session, and we barely scratched the surface, but the longer this goes:

- the longer our existing situation establishes "precedent"
- the longer I go seeing my kids less than I feel is right
- the longer I go over-spending money and not moving on with my life

If it were me and I was looking at these three, the first two are big issues. The over-spending $$ could be an issue, depending on your situation. Not moving on with your life... well... you'll do that eventually.

But, I see the first two as major reasons to speed things up from where I sit. #1 would terrify me, honestly. #2 makes me mad on your behalf (also your kids). The idea that offering a few extra hours on a weekday afternoon *if* your boss signed off on flex time is just ridiculous. I know a few other posters have mentioned the "right of first refusal" so that definitely might be something for you to be thinking about-- you get 50/50 straight custody and she can choose to pick them up from school and bring them to your house at 5 pm or whatever rather than have them be in after school care. I think I mentioned this previously, but my neighbors do this-- the mom's work schedule is shifted a lot earlier than the dad's, so she picks them up from school, brings them to his house and actually feeds them dinner before he gets home on some of his nights. Otherwise, they stay in after school care and he gets them on his way home from work.

I guess I'm still not seeing how having Ls involved if you stick in the mediation route, just L-assisted, is not respectful or honorable. I mean, if you get a good attorney, this is their JOB. This is what they do for a living all day long. And they have seen it all and should be able to advise both of you appropriately. It seems to me like tapping into that expertise (again, as long as it is the right person with a mindset you agree with) is only a good thing, especially in your situation where you are just so, so far apart in the first place. If you guys were both talking about 50/50 split and needing to sell the house, she just needed a few extra months of spousal support while she found someplace new-- OK. Mediation sounds dandy. Where you are right now... I just don't see how it is honorable or respectful, honestly, to either of you to pretend like mediation is going to get you to the end zone on its own.

All that being said, I think it is very important that you make your own choice on this. I know you describe yourself as having a tendency to over-analyze things and have a hard time making a decision. I get this. is there some way you can help yourself to make that decision? This might be silly but maybe draw out a logic model or flow chart of decisions and potential outcomes or make a pros/cons list to your various options... anything to help you maybe visualize your options in a different way.