GALing, Detaching, While Parenting

[may22]

Hi Rosy,

First of all... I just want to say how awful it is that you are going through this when you have a tiny baby. I can't imagine. How old is your baby again? And you're back at work?

First of all, you need to congratulate yourself for being such an amazing, bad-a$$ mom every single night before you go to sleep.

Second,

I feel like this would be alot easier without a young baby and a busy work schedule.

OMG yes! Cut yourself a whole lot of slack. Here's my recommendation (and TBH this would be a recommendation for any young mom):

Think about what YOU want to do. What can you imagine doing-- for you-- that makes you happy? A long nap on a weekend day? Pedicure? Reading a new novel? I think self-care is really, really important for everyone, but for a combination new mom and a LBS, you need to double down on taking care of yourself and feeding your own needs and soul. Take the time to be there for yourself first and foremost.

After that, *then* I think you can worry about DBing in terms of thinking about how your GALing may or not affect him. I sincerely believe that GALing is for you, not for him-- to the extent that it does catch his interest, great, but that isn't why you're doing it and I think you want to have that authentic lens on it-- you are doing this for YOU. (Because you deserve it!)

All that being said, here are some ideas you might consider, but only if they resonate with YOU. For instance, I found getting out of the house with the baby, while sometimes complicated, was important for me to not feel stifled in the house for too long. So walks, restaurants, museums, just getting out and about. You can do this without your H (I mean maybe he is welcome to come with you, but maybe at first you just let him know you'll be out and go). Also, I would probably steer away from too much sitting on the couch together and watching TV, unless you're watching a show you really like. In my sitch I found that we often defaulted to things my H liked to watch (because he likes to watch TV more than I do) and then I'm just sitting there working or reading or whatever, and getting antsy wondering what was going on in his head. I started moving my working/reading elsewhere, OR picked up the remote first and selected a show I was interested in.

Do you have other mom friends with a baby the same age? Getting together with them, glass of wine while the babies roll around on a blanket on the floor (or when they got older, playing) was like one of the most soul-feeding things I did when mine were little. And, since your H seems like he's around, can you leave the baby with him for an evening or a lunch? Do you have enough stored breastmilk to make that work? I remember feeling like I didn't want to waste that liquid gold for no good reason (like taking time for myself) but you know what? that IS a good reason.

Anyway-- I don't know if any of this is helpful, but just want to say hang in there, glad you are back and posting. There are a lot of people here that will support you through all of this. And you will get through it.