Wait, maybe I missed it in your thread. You know who OW is??
Yes. I know who she is. I don't bring it up much on the the thread I try to think of her as other because it makes it easier. She is an old family friend of his family. Her mom and his mom were best friends when they were very young. But they aren't as close anymore. So I'm aware of that connection and that family in our periphery. OW however wasn't a good enough friend of the family to elicit a wedding invite. I in fact didn't even know she existed until he started this mess. I've meet her sisters. I've meet cousins. I've met her mom and other aunts. I still haven't meet her face to face. But we've spoken, and texted. She knows who I am. She's well aware of my existence. Our girls also know who OW is. H has not been exactly discrete. Me specifically asking him to be more discrete with his phone around the girls and the whole don't embarrass me in public thing apparently in H's head were more like guidelines than rules really, lol.
Given all that, that's also why I can tell myself that the laundry bothers her. She's insecure as all get out. And I scare her. The nights he's home with us she will not stop texting him. It got to the point last night where I saw him say, I'm dozing off I was up at 4:45am, I'll talk to you in the morning. She then sent 2 more texts.
Originally Posted by wooba
do MLCers have blackouts?????
People with depression have terrible memories. I know when I'm getting bad because I'm the type of person who remembers names, faces, insignificant details, random factoids. I'm like a sponge. When the depression gets bad I can't remember if I turned the oven off less than a minute after turning the oven off.
Heavy drinkers have terrible memories. Google alcoholic brain. Look at the CTs and the pictures. Holes every where.
Not that your H is having an affair but I don't think the rewriting things thing is affair specific. Their brains are doing a ton of mental gymnastics to deal with the turmoil on top of that the turmoil has them in fight or flight most of the time so there are gaps in memory because their brain just glossed over the details because it didn't need them in the moment.
He will be repeating a lot. And unfortunately so will you.
As far as the latching on to the finding a man thing. I can't stop giggling at that. That's just like Y chromosome exclusive defense mechanism or something. They remember the one thing you said that made them feel insecure and insignificant even if it was just a moment and they won't let it go. Every fight after that it will be brought up. My daughter's father used to do that. And H likes to bring up that in a rage in the beginning of this way before weekly therapy and DBing that I said "Everyone warned me about you in the beginning and told me I could do better, and I could've, there were guys with better careers, more money, more influence, nice cars and things, I had options but I picked you anyway." I get that thrown in my face a lot. He likes to leave out the part after that where I said "Because none of that mattered to me. What we had mattered to me." That was a jugular move on my part, fed right into his insecurities. And now I'm stuck with him fixated on that. Ugh..these guys and their egos.
