H came home and stayed around to talk. Lots of confusion. Anger. Threats. Flip flopping of emotions. Rewriting history.
Ranting about work again and repeating details he’s already told me few nights ago. Sometimes it seems like he remembers he told me certain things but the repetition on other parts- maybe just to keep talking?? I don’t know.
Asked me if I think it’s good that he’s showing up to see the kids, do they ask about him etc. I said yeah, they still love to see you, and we’ve already told them about us, so they know. H: “what about us??” This is where I told him, remember the time when we sat down with our eldest and said that mommy and daddy are having problems.......
H: “well, do they remember what we said?” Me: “of course!!!!” H: “do they really understand it though?” Me: “the older two yes. Maybe not so much S3.”
do MLCers have blackouts?????
Brought up D again. Said we need to talk about finances. Throwing out percentages of what I’d probably get. Asked me what I think...I said the same thing, I don’t want to D but won’t stop you. He then asked me if I think of D is inevitable. I hesitated and said I don’t know but I’m leaning toward no. I think if we are both willing to put in the work we can turn this around. He said nothing. Then I asked him what’s stopping him from D. He said “all the wrong reasons.....don’t want to disappoint our parents....the kids..” of course nothing to do with me.
He then said he just wants me to be happy. “I am operating on what you’ve said before, that you need a man. You need to go find a man.” This is like the 100000 times he’s said this and I’ve denied it all along. He kept insisting that I want out so I can find someone else. I think that ONE time (briefly after BD and before I found DB) what I said was that I’m still young, it will probably be easier for me to find a guy if I’m divorced now than 10 years later (not the wisest thing to say to a WAH but anyways I said it). and this is like the one thing he keeps going back to, accusing me of wanting to find another man. Now I’m even questioning myself- did I actually say that?? (I do have pretty bad memory) so today for like 10 mins straight we were going back and forth on this. I said, look at my actions, I’m not looking for a guy or with anybody. H: “I don’t know what you’re doing. we hardly see each other.” I said okay, that’s true.
I even said I don’t want to deny it anymore but just want you to know that I don’t accept that as the truth. And he started to threaten me and said that “if you’re going to deny this I will take it personally because that is breaking the trust in this relationship, even though the trust is already broken.” I’m just thinking in my head like “wth is happening??? Do you even hear yourself??”
H: “I know what I heard. And if you deny it, I will file the papers right now! And things will get contentious!” Me: .......(shaking my head while prepping food for tomorrow)
I can’t even remember how I got out of that part of the conversation. I didn’t concede though. Just sort of stopped arguing. Maybe he sensed that I wasn’t threatened.
and then he flipped the switch again and went back to talk about money. And said he will take care of me and the boys. He’d want the house. I said you’d have to buy me out. He said of course, he doesn’t the cash right now but maybe I can take more of other assets. And then he was nice again, saying that he wants somebody who will keep me shining like a star like I’m supposed to. He’s not doing it for me. He said he’s always been too much for me, asking too much, libido too high....etc.
Another weird thing was he conjured up this lie to tell my parents about why he’s not coming with us to visit them this weekend. He wanted me to tell them that he’s busy on fri...and Saturday he’ll let me know whether he can come...”just tell them we’re playing it by ear. Then Saturday I’ll call you and tell you that I won’t be able to make it.”
The night ended with other friendly small talk and him telling me to think about finances. “No rush” he said.
