Thanks for checking in. I have been reading your thread and keeping up. I haven't chimed in too much because I start to feel redundant always telling you to keep plugging away at it.
That's ok Kristin - it helps to get the nonsense and ridiculousness out of my head sometimes. If people post on my thread or not, regardless, this site is a very helpful tool. Of course it helps to get an outsider's opinion sometimes, but I get that everyone has busy lives, especially with everything that is going in their own situations. I'm grateful to have the support
Originally Posted by KristinG
I don't think I would have the emotional fortitude to withstand IHS as long as you have endured. Kudos bro and keep your head up because you are worth so much more than how W has been acting. It's funny to me that you like to describe it as "letting go". I had a dream about two weeks ago in which I was floating away holding a rope. It was a peaceful dream and I just let go of the rope (in the dream). I know I'm not fully detached and truthfully, I'm unsure anyone that is standing can ever be fully detached. BUT, I have been able to remove my emotional reactions from our encounters. Plus, she has been able to go and have her fantasy life anytime she wants - I haven't stopped her or even made an objection to her choosing that life at any point. I'm just still here - still being, standing, living, whatever you want to call it - I'm here.
Thanks Kristin. It's been a wild ride so far. I was in no shape to be in IHS for this long at BD. I nearly left twice, I was reeling and in severe emotional and mental distress for half a year before a series of things happened in rapid succession - finding the Eckhart Tolle book in the oddest of ways, then finding the DB book, then finding this site, then finding another site - and all of them said as if in unison "let go!!".
It was everywhere I looked, and it made me totally rethink my relationship with fate, the universe, God - whatever you want to call it. I had been crying out for answers and got an onslaught of them - but only after 6 months of absolute and pure h3ll that I almost succumbed to.
It profoundly changed me. I dont know how else to describe it, but I feel like a different person now. Sure there are still elements of who I was that pop up from time to time when something happens, the well-worn patterns return, but when I realize they are there I stop and tell myself that that is not who I am anymore. It's so weird - sometimes it feels like my former self has a temper tantrum because it isn't being listened to anymore, then eventually it goes away.
Long story short (too late probably - lol), I declared the MR dead, do not resuscitate, and accepted that I was now alone. I chose to accept interactions with W only on her initiation, and viewed her as a ghost of her former self. I keep pleasant and upbeat when I reply to her - which is pretty rare because she does not want much interaction - but when she says something chaotic or nonsensical, I validate.
It is very much like dealing with the death of a spouse, I would imagine.
Anyway, I say all this weirdness to you because I think you are also on the path to becoming a much stronger person. I can see it in your posts - despite the setbacks. It's inherent within you, your writing here shows it.
I believe you are right about detachment - it is a goal to work toward, but there will never be a final destination. How could there be, unless one is to completely rewrite history and ignore that there ever was an R with WAS?
The truth is you had a life with them and it profoundly impacted who you were as a person. At the moment, my WAW has chosen to ignore 21 years of our lives together. At least - she projects that externally. Internally I know it is a VERY different story. That's why I give so much space- it is a tornado in her head right now. I imagine it would be similar in your Ws head too.
At any rate I've rambled on longer than I intended. I kinda do that sometimes. Keep going on your path Kristin. Keep the lighthouse lit, and stay strong.
