Two years ago I was driving with my older 2 kids. My son was punching his younger sister. I pulled over the car, turned around and grabbed his leg firmly and said stop hitting your sister. No marks or anything. He was scared and it was a bad parenting moment by me. Then we drove home. He ran to his mom and said what happened. She called it abuse.
When our marriage was in deterioration, she said I had no remorse and never fully apologized. I wrote her a couple apology letters, and at the time, admitted to this being what she thought it was. I went over the top. She hadn't talked to me for months, I had found a D book in the house, and I just wanted to fix things. So I used her words to describe things and apologized for them. I feel differently today (obviously) but she has it in her mind that I would potentially hurt our kids.
She points to 2 other incidents. One was the kids getting ready for bed, she was there, I said I'm going for a quick walk to take a break, she didn't hear me, she thought I disappeared, and then she worried once I moved out that I was just going to walk out of the house while I watched the kids alone (they are young).
Another I was shooting an air-powered pellet gun with my son in the woods. She knew we owned it. I held it the whole time. She never talked to me about it. She just freaked out and thought I was doing scary and violent things. This was right before separation.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Are there police reports?
No
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Documented injuries?
No
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Does she have witnesses?
No
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Is she talking to the kids about his stuff?
Unclear. Probably no. But she does subtle stuff which may be just as harmful. When I moved out she asked me to regularly update her on what we do via text, send pictures, and bought my son a smartwatch with a GPS tracker (which I insisted he also wear with her, so he did not get the wrong impression).
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
You can’t just make things up!! Don’t let her push you around Unchien. The only person who can demand anything from you such as counselling (the journal thing is ridiculous) is a judge. Sounds like maybe she should go to counselling.
Right. So I can continue trying to mediate to get an extra day, while she keeps alluding to "scary things that happened" without out and talking about them. Or I can protect myself and call it a lost cause. I actually don't know what to do, but the above outlines pretty much what has her thinking I am scary and violent.
The "MC" we did during our separation was essentially her constantly alluding to the above, but refusing to talk about it. At first I was trying to listen/validate and just get her to talk about it. The counselor thought I was AGREEING with her. I had a separate phone call with him to clear that out. Over the months she never changed her stance, and even thought my son's behavioral issues at school were my fault. She wanted me to write safety plans when I had the kids at my house. She wanted my counselor to write an "update" for how I was doing with regards to "child safety."
I am a passive person. I like to be amicable. I would like to be able to look my kids in the eye and say I tried to do it in a fair and respectful way with your mother.
But it does feel a lot like I need to go into a more protective mode than trying to mediate with her.
