22 Years Gone Part 3

[rooskers]

I went with my usual reply and said D14 will be ready for pick up at he agreed upon time.

AS this was more of a rant than anything else. You said on almost all the replies that she would have a point and you are right. That was actually my point that if I answered her actual question which was "does D14 want to visit with me" then I was screwed no matter what I did. By doing what I usually do and what you suggested I don't really answer her question I just tell her what I am going to do. More than anything I am realizing this is what completely destroyed our marriage. If she asked me something no matter how I answered or not answered she took offense to it and became the victim. If I just took an action then she felt it abusive in some way. An example would be she wanted to know if she was allowed to buy uniforms for work. If I said yes then she said see I have to ask for approval, if I said no we are tight on budget this week then I was controlling, if I said you don't need my permission then I wasn't husband showing leadership, if I said anything about this question being unfair and putting me in role of a parent rather than a partner then she accused me of being angry. Always love your advice AS and working on becoming thicker skinned but I hate that she always asks questions that seem designed to trap me.

DS I am not worried legally about any of this. I have already talked to my lawyer and he is not concerned about anything. This was more of a rant than anything. We both have our lawyers and D14's lawyers role is to inform and protect her rights as a minor. She is also there to make sure D14's voice is heard in the courtroom. My lawyer informed me my responsibilities are to present D14 at the agreed upon time and encourage D14 to go to the visitation. Both my lawyer and D14 therapist said to never physically force her to go as that can be considered child abuse. The problem is not getting her to go when she doesn't want to, the problem is she never stays for the whole visit and then I am blamed for it. My lawyer said well XW has physical custody and if she brings her back early then you don't need to worry about it as long as you aren't the one picking her up or convincing her to come back early.

I just found out the reason she was asking. She doesn't want D14 over this weekend because she has a roommate moving in who she has never even met. The roommate supposedly passed a background check at her workplace, which means she has a job so that is a bonus. This is a huge blow to D14 since her mother just told her tonight that the roommate will be moved in this Friday. D14 is mad because she felt her mom could have told her she was looking for a roommate awhile ago and felt she deserved more than a day and a half notice. I don't mind because this seems to be a wise financial decision for XW and D14 isn't really over there long enough for it to affect her too much. I just wish XW was more transparent with things. Why would she want to hide something like this until the last second.