And we keep moving on.

[Irish M]

Good evening everyone.

Well the saga continues

She did take a few days to get back to the conversation. You were right on that Job.

So this monday. She of course messages me and not the girls.

Irish, so what can i do the help. there is surely something.

I waited for a few hours to answer her. Well XW, financially would be a good start.

The 100$ a month isnt going to far.

100$ ??? what are you talking about. I give way more than that. The government must be scamming us.

XW, the gov't takes it off your pay and deposits it to mine. They deduct it from your salary before taxes. And at the end of the year its a tax deduction for you. The dont scam of the top.

Oh. either way. I have 20$ left to my name at the end of each month.

Are you still smoking? ( she started up when she left. this is after a 15 year no smoking)

Yes.

Well we all have our priorities I guess. So I guess the only think you can do is email the girls. Your last message was that you are giving up

You know i really think you should get me in to talk to D17 psychologist. Me and D17 can both go together. We can all go together.

XW, we had this conversation already. It's not a good thing at this point. D17 needs the individual therapy. I'm sure if she sees that you are really commited to being in her life she will include you. I can't help you.

I was looking at some pictures. we really had some good times.

Yes we did. The girls have good memories. take care XW. I have to go.

Tuesday she was quite. Also her texting is still during work hours. In the first year she said she wont email the girls from the home to not interfere with her life at her new apartment. So I guess this is the same. 8-5pm only.

this morning .. was something else.

Irish, we need to talk more. And over text is not the best way. It's up to you but we should call. Also I don't have internet so I can't message.

XW, I'm confused. What's going on in your head right now? I need to be honest with you. You are trying hard yes, but I havent once heard how are the girls. Or I am sorry for hurting them. Maybe you are not there yet. Maybe you are trying to be nice in hopes that I force the girls to meet up or call you. Try to be honest with me and you will maybe gain some respect and I'll be more open to hearing you out. |Right now I will just repeat. Email the girls. It's between you and them.

Irish. How are the girls?

Well since you ask. D19 is doing good in school. It's her focus. She does have anger still about what you did and it's normal. It's part of her healing. D17 has a harder time. Axiety and therapy still. Her overall health has improved. Her episodes have stopped. As long as she keeps her stress down she is good. They have come a long way and have been through a trauma that I never planned for . I am sure didn't plan for this to be the girls reality.

Irish, you have no idea. I have been through so much. I actually don't see a thearapist at all. I have a help line if needed. I was on sleeping pills for a long time but I am off them now. I try to meditate or just scream outloud. I have pain. I didn't let it take over my soul though.


Sorry about all that . Gald you are coping. A lot of "I" in your reply. Not one comment on the girls. You see what I mean. It seems still to be about you.


I am a good mother . The girls need a mother.

definition of mother is - female who gives birth to offspring. Easy enough if you are blessed to have children.
What you were supposed to be was a parent. You lost that quality. Anyone can be a mother. Not everyone can be a parent. A parent puts their kids first.



So she is waking up in some sort of way. more communication that ever before. We will see where it goes. The gilrs havent mentioned any emails or text from her to them so i figure xw is still hoping I will make a bridge between them.
I am not ready to. I havent seen enpough of real remorse to want to help her.

I also won't reply the same day anymore. I feel my emotional side shines through in my messages to her and I need to be more neutral.


not where I want to be. I am still moving on.