Gift #3

[Yail]

unchien, your note about understanding why some fathers settle for less than 50-50 was eye opening to me.It is very much not a perspective I had heard before. Thank you for sharing it, I think you hit on something key. I feel it will serve me well in my future to be more understanding and supportive of this fact.

I am compassionate, but I need to be self-compassionate also.

Yes, yes yes. I hear you. This is such a delicate balance.

That, and when I do stand up and request increased parenting time, she alludes to things she is not comfortable texting about, or that we need to discuss with legal advisors. I think this is a huge red flag. Plus, I don't think it creates a fair negotiation atmosphere.

Without knowing your W or really understanding your dynamic I wish to play devil's advocate on this part, just to see if it resonates with you. It sounds from this paragraph that perhaps W is getting legal advice that she shouldn't put anything in writing (text included) unless formally negotiated. This is self-protection, and isn't necessarily the worst stance for her to take. It sounds less like an offensive move, and more like a defensive move. Is that possible?

for context on why I say this, I had a non-combative D. XW and I did not fight over things, but still I would not put anything in email/text/writing. I just wouldn't do it in case anything turned sour later and she chose to use it against me. Perhaps this is W's thinking as well - just being extra cautious?


I appreciate you having an option #3 with a question mark. I don't know what that one is either. But I'm sure there is a viable option that lives there as well.

From your options I can't say what I would suggest. It's a tough call, and honestly filled with nuance to the timing and how you and W communicate and what your limits are. I hope you are able to focus on getting the care you need during the process that will take far to long, no matter what course you choose.