The OP has already said there are inappropriate text messages and she believes there's an EA on the table. EA's are dangerous things just as MWD explains in her books. People leave marriages over the fantasy they promise. My husband was a leader in the community. He was a leader at church. A family man. I was floored that he was capable of having an affair (I was naive). Looking back, the signs were everywhere. But I didn't know what to look for, and didn't see anything.
In my opinion, I wish someone would have been as brutally honest with me at the beginning. I didn't have a place like this. So instead, I made excuses for his behavior and wanted to believe it wasn't a long term A or that he didn't really love her, and accepted him rewriting history and placing the blame on me. What I would have given for someone to open my eyes to reality. To show me the patterns. I would advise the OP to take Steve's advice and if it is wrong and there is no OW, then fantastic! That's a relief.
Preparation is a gift.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
