I don't remember if you've tried meditating? If not it might be helpful for you to further explore this, being able to sit with a feeling or a fear or a thought and observing it, not letting it take over, but understanding it and letting it pass.
I wanted to reply to this too. I have taken maybe one meditation class in the past and had a very irregular practice for a bit, so I know that it can[ become a practice again, if I really make the effort to do it. I like the idea of just 5 minutes a day. DnJ's writing on fear, thoughts, and emotions has helped me start to understand how I can work to feel more empowered in the face of my fears and emotions. Rather than just letting them repeat in my head, I am now trying to take the time to pause and ask what is rational or irrational, where do they come from, all of that. Meditation, to me, is the other part of that--after I've done a bit of work to see my fears or feelings from different angles, then perhaps when they return, I can more calmly observe and let them pass. No analyzing needed. My IC also pointed out that it's a great way to just practice being present if I find myself skipping ahead to the unknown future or back to the past: What is happening now around me? Let me know how this meditation practice goes for you, may.
I'm still finding myself cycling through questions like, How can he view our entire M so negatively? Reliving little bits of BDs from time to time, questioning how this person became this other person who is now my roommate. How weird it still is to not talk about what either of us is thinking or feeling, how quickly he removed what intimacy we did have in favor of acting like acquaintances. Where did all those years go? It feels like we are both pretending they didn't happen. I think it might be time for me to re-read DR, go back to the basics.
