Roo, it's your XW's legal time with D, correct? Then you should facilitate it. You are legally bound to anyway. Explain to D that you don't have a choice, legally you are obligated to make sure W has her time with D.
As for it being a no-win situation, you should be thick-skinned enough from your XW's behavior by now that you know it's not a reflection on you. If she starts to rant and rave then tell her "we are not married and I am under ZERO obligation to take your abuse and I WILL NOT tolerate it. Then end the convo.
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If I ask D14 what she would like and respond to my XW with her answer, which will likely be no, then I will likely get an email accusing me of not following the parenting plan and preventing her from seeing D14.
And she would have a point. It's a legal agreement, it's not about whether D wants to go or not. If you have to make her go against her will then that's what you should do.
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If I don't respond I usually get an email that says I am not being a good co-parent or communicating with her in regards to D14.
And she would be right.
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If I have D14 take care of it since it is her time with her mom then I usually receive an email saying I put D14 in the middle of a parenting decision.
And she would be right again.
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If I tell XW this would be a great question for D14 and you should ask her then I get an email telling me visitation is a legal agreement between the two of us and not D14.
Right again.
Do you see the one option that you DIDN'T list? The correct and legal one. You tell XW that D will be ready at the appointed time, then you tell D that her mother will be picking her up at X time on X day and that she needs to be ready. Period. "Oh but I don't want to blah blah blah!" Validate. "I am sorry, I know this is difficult for you." "So I don't have to go?" "You still have to go, it may be difficult but it is the right thing to do. She is still your mother and she wants to spend time with you."
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D14 therapist has asked XW to leave me out of things like this because it causes an unhealthy communication triangle but I still get these emails that either ask me for permission to see her, ask me what the plans are, or something like it. I can't seem to escape being put in a no win situation.
I think she's wrong. But ask your lawyer if you're not sure.
