Riding the Wave 2

[may22]

Hi Wayfarer,

First of all... Ugh. the 5:30 unnecessary wake up. That would infuriate me. My H used to kiss me goodbye if he had to leave really early when I was still sleeping, which would inevitably wake me up and then I couldn't go back to sleep and would be so, so pissed at him. Ha. Now I feel kind of guilty about that.

So a few thoughts-- first, your week plans sound awesome. yay! second, I totally hear you on the annoyance that he's leaning back in in so many ways except that giant most important one. I think it is OK to be annoyed and to let your old self shine through here. How can you not let yourself be in those situations where he's being buddy-buddy and all up in your space? Some ideas I had when reading through your last post include:

- close the door to the bathroom. Don't give him that access-- you deserve to face mask in peace. (This is something I've done too for the same reason. And I know he's like WHAT is she doing in there??)
- get out of the house on the nights you know he'll be there. He can make dinner for the girls or his bacon sandwiches or whatever. If you haven't read through Caligirl's thread you might... she was the MASTER at wafting out the door all dolled up as soon as her H walked in. I know you've done that too and it might be a good time to amp that back up, both for DBing purposes (you know you got pretty strong reactions to that in the past) and so you don't need to put yourself in a position where you feel annoyed and resentful that he's cake-eating. Also, he sees you. He's just pretending not to look.
- are there other ways you can retreat when he's in the house so it is harder for him to engage? Listening to a podcast with your headphones in is always a good one.

I guess generally-- if you don't feel like engaging with him in the buddy-buddy stuff, then don't. Then when you do, like having a family dinner with all four of you-- relax and have fun. Same if he calls you to vent. If you're up for it and want to listen, do it. If you don't, let it go to VM and he can be in a bad mood when he gets to OW's house. You get to decide exactly how much of the friend Wayfarer he gets right now, and you are under no obligation to be his friend if you don't feel good about it. (I know this sounds weird coming from me but for the most part I *can* relax and have fun with H and not feel annoyed about it. When I do feel angry or resentful, I simply don't engage.)