WAW - is it too late?

[RVM]

Just say "I know what you're doing and find is extremely disrespectful and will not tolerate it." Then when she denies (which she will) then just look her in the eye, say "we both know that's not true" and leave the room. The key is to do it with as few words as possible. The more you talk the more she will argue/ fight/ lie/ gaslight.

Mistake or not, I've actually already done this. It took her back, she denied, but didn't ever ask questions like "what are you talking about or what do you mean evidence?" She started gaslighting me months ago when I first asked if she might be having an affair. It really turned my world upside down then. I was snooping quite a bit back then (before finding this board.) But, that has died down - the snooping and gaslighting. I never question where she's going, etc. But, I think that initial period of snooping made her go further underground with the A. But, yeah, I have seriously considered hiring a PI just for some personal closure.

Don't confront OM. If you have absolute evidence of a PA such as photos of them kissing, or their cars in a hotel parking lot or something, then my opinion is you send it anonymously to his W. She deserves to know, but there is no need to expose yourself to any drama as a result of it. Just send it to her and let her decide what to do with the information.

This is a possibility.

I think it's the right choice not to go, but if you think it will be a "wakeup call" for her you are wrong about that.

I agree. I don't expect this to change anything. Just a small step for me to not be a doormat. It could also backfire.