Life goes on

[kiro]

Kiro, my H ended up in EA that became a PA but this all started with scenario 2. I could feel it starting in Spring of 19, but he'd never talk about it. No matter what I asked or how I asked it he wouldn't talk to me about it and blamed it on work, stress, literally anything but him or our R. Every single thing you wrote is exactly how all of this has been going down, except I will not bring up old memories with him. He can't see our MR as it really was any way. There's no point in trying to correct him. But this is so accurate and it's absolutely soul crushing.

Wayfare, I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to add more pain to you or anyone else. And by no mean am I trying to justify what a WAS does. I was just trying to put myself in the WAS shoes to understand how they think and why they act the way they do.

Humans are just complicated creatures. And relationships/marriages are even more complicated because they involve 2 of these complicated creatures.

But I still think the LBS has take some responsibility for how they feel. I am not saying that the LBS did anything wrong. They definitely shouldn't blame themself for what happened, but the LBS needs to take responsibility for their own life, their behavior, and their feelings... Often, as it was in my case, I allowed myself to become too dependent on my W and had lost a big part of my individuality. I should have realized that MR comes with a risk. It's common knowledge that 50% of MRs end in D. I felt that we were safe, that these statistics didn't apply to us. I took what we had for granted.

All it takes for a MR to fail is for 1 person to decide that they want something different. I thought that I owned my W's life as much as I own mine. But I was wrong. I only own my life. I can only control me.


But let me be clear.. Regardless of I wrote in my imaginary scenarios above, the WAS is the main culprit here not the LBS. The WAS allowed themself to do something wrong and then they went too far and couldn't control it anymore. Then the damage is done... Once it's done, all the stories show that it cannot go back as it was. It's just the way that humans are built unfortunately.