I do fold it! I sometimes put it away or I just leave on his side of the bed. Oh yes I do put on Netflix while folding laundry...last night I watched a bit of the Irishman. That would be a lot of laundry folding because the movie is 3+ hrs long lol.
I still do his laundry too. For a plethora of reasons. And I've been guilted about it IRL. I get the same thing about feeding him too, but since he handles at least half the dinners weekly including me in that mix I just can't be the person who only makes enough food for 3 out of spite. He spent months not eating with us. If this is who he is now I'm not getting in the way of him eating a meal with our girls for pride. But as to the laundry the fact is we have 4 adult size humans in the house it's more work for me to dig out all his things. Next I do it on Sundays. He's with us on Sundays, and he'll sit in the living room and fold with me. He also will do a load midweek or on a Friday night when I'm out and he's home. I'm not entirely sure what that's about. But it's among his many new odd behaviors. Next and this may go to May's doing something petty/childish just for poops and giggles. I know that's not on this thread but I know you saw it. I get some serious sick satisfaction out of the fact that OW is getting a whiff of that mountain spring fabric softener when she's undressing him. She's not stupid not even grown men have laundry that smells the way it does when a wife has done it. She knows d@mn well that isn't him doing that laundry. I want her to get an olfactory memory of me every single time she's that close. I want her to think about me folding those underwear he's wearing. And his clothes hanging next to mine in the closet. I have very very thick curly hair. OW has stick straight hair. I may or may not make sure my hair ends up on just about everything of his....lol.
Originally Posted by wooba
The work ranting doesn’t make me feel bad. It’s more like...oh here we go again. Before I would secretly blame him for not being able to change his attitude about his job. Ex it doesn’t have to be that bad if you don’t look at it that way. Why can’t you get past the little things. (I understand I cannot change how he feels about his job, so I never tell him these things) But I have told him that we will be fine if he wants to do something else that doesn’t make as much, as long as he’s not miserable. We will be fine, we don’t need that much to live a decent life. But he is prideful and doesn’t want to settle for less.
When I was deep in my depression I was exactly like this. H had repeatedly encouraged me to leave, but I had the good insurance, he made the money. That's how we worked it out. I couldn't leave until I could make about as much money and still have the good insurance. I had sent resumes out for a year before I got called for interviews. During the depression and while battling my grief that was a really hard pill to swallow, and I'm sure H was just as sick of hearing about it as you are even if we were in a better way then. A lot of my angst wasn't just pride it was literally being stuck and forcing myself to keep moving to be unstuck depressed and repeatedly hitting walls to get out made it seem insurmountable. I eventually got out and got in a new position with equal pay and equal benefits with a work load that feels like a vacation, but it took a lot to get me here. I say this just so you can understand that maybe it isn't all pride. Maybe he's struggling to take the steps to make the change. Not that we should feel sorry for him but maybe that can help you understand where he's coming from a little better.
Originally Posted by wooba
Listening to him doesn’t make me feel powerless, I guess I just question whether I want to be his emotional dump. On one hand I feel for him, I might be the only person he could really talk to about all his work stuff, but I really don’t see myself as his wife anymore. I don’t know how to say it....maybe the best way to describe is that our partnership has ended. Before when we were partners, I listened and validated and would give him my opinion on his work and he valued that. But now I’m just a listener. Sometimes I validate. But mostly I just want him to go away if he’s going to insert negative energy into my life. So that’s what I struggle with, being there for him but with a slight resentment questioning why I’m doing it when he’s clearly not there for me in any way.
I don't have much to offer with this. It sounds like you know where you stand on this, and maybe just haven't found the way to appropriately articulate it to your Ex. But this really gave me something to think about. And honestly leaves me confused. I wouldn't let H in on anything until my incident with D17 which ended in a weird I'm always here to listen thing from him. And he still comes to me first when something really upsets him, not OW. He's literally called me on the way to see her to dump on me. Which prior to reading this made me feel like I had a one up on her, but now I'm realizing he has to dump on me. Can't keep up the fantasy if you start bringing in real life worries, anger, and disappointment about the mundane into the bubble. And if he doesn't see me as his partner, if there's nothing left in this MR for him why should I take on that burden even if he's offering to reciprocate....hmmmm. You got me thinking wooba.
