Divorce because I betrayed her trust - PART 7

[DaB35]

Hi CW

It was kind of half and half. When she discovered everything, W ran away to family and friends immediately. Within 24 hours she said D will happen. We didn't see each other for 3 weeks. During that time she'd email or call me. It was not productive. She would shout down the phone at me and swear at me and call me everything under the sun and more. We'd have 2hr long conversations that would not go anywhere.

Unfortunately at that time I was not aware of this site, nor had I started IC. I knew nothing of validating, boundaries, etc. I was panicky and did all the wrong things - pleading, pursuing, etc.

She was pushing me to answer questions on the phone but I couldn't as I hadn't had time to think about how I'd respond to them properly. She screamed and cried. I cried too.

The oddest thing for me still is that in June she softened. We were talking, spending time together, and were even physical together several times during that period. She was then talking about home improvements, "taking baby steps", saying she was very pleased I'd passed the polygraph test I volunteered to take, and we went out for dinner a couple of times too. Then suddenly in July, she stopped talking to me. Ignored me for 3 weeks. I think someone made her act that way - W is quite susceptible to others close to her telling her what to do - but I haven't had a chance to go into detail on that with her. Plus now, I suppose it's a moot point.

The sad thing is once my IC was in full flow, she was not around and had moved to her brother's. She wasn't communicating with me very much except for me to gain access to the house when I needed to. Now I understand better the reasons why I did what I did and didn't do, she's not around so I can't explain it fully to her.

I guess I'm a bit scared of the immediate future. No house, living with parents, having to basically "start again" in my mid 30s. I worked so hard for that house and put most of my life savings into it. The House will no longer be ours by end of the month. I'll get most of what I put in back from the sale, but that's not the point is it - I intended to stay in that house with W for 30 years or so. The upshot of this is that I've had time to 'upgrade' myself mentally and physically, so now I know W is missing out and it's her loss.