I have been lurking this past week - and I have to say the support overall that women (and men) in this community give to one another is inspiring. There has been one post that put me off posting, and that might be why it's taken a little longer to do this update. There was a comment about being annoyed at how some women here ruminate about their H's. This felt insulting somehow and whilst I don't think it was addressed purely at me, it did feel a little insulting.
This should be a safe place to think about our sitch's - to consider, to seek advice, and to vent and so for a large part this means the focus is going to be on our WAs. It is a healing process and what I am seeking, and also (hopefully) provide) is validation, an occasional 2x4, and the odd congratulation for things that go well. We have all been where the other stands and it is surprising to me when I read posts which are obviously lacking in empathy and compassion. Yes, some of the 2x4's are painful, but these too are delivered with empathy and compassion and the wellbeing of the poster in mind.
******* Anyway, journalling:
Things seem to be going at some speed at the moment and the moment, if I am honest the pace is being driven by me. I think the house will likely be sold, and the separation finalised by the summer (if not the divorce). I am the driving force behind the sale, he has put up objections at every. He clearly wants to have the children more (next months schedule includes one full week plus 8 additional random days spread out over two weeks - 1 week he is on call and cannot have the children), but whether this is to up his days in preparation for mediation, or because he truly wants them, is unknown. Bit of both. He was always a family man and I sense that now he has lived the 'single' life for sometime, he has found it empty and wants to focus on his family (this is probably exacerbated by the sense of losing the home/me). I do not think he found what he wanted, so he is trying to salvage what he can without admitting fault or facing his own guilt.
Where does this leave me. Accepting of my fate, whatever that is. Trying not to push too much in one direction or another and trying not to be driven by anger (which is actually a problem right now).
It is strange, he acts like he is fine about selling the house and I act like I am ok with him having the kids more. I send him a message saying "I'm preparing the house, do you want x" and he replies, "Sure - just put it in the garage" or he sends me the roster (the one with the kids staying with him 15 nights) and I say "Perfect. Thanks".
