Basketball season is finally over. 1st time not making the state playoffs in 4 years. Had some problems from the summer that I didn’t deal with and it cost me in the long run. Finished season 15-12 and somewhat pleased considering I’ve been like a zombie for the past 9 months.

I have paid my lawyer and filed for divorce. She had papers drawn up but never would file so I made the decision for her. She seemed relieved and probably what she was wanting the entire time. She is just to much of a coward to do it. Now she has no choice. She is looking for a place to stay but dragging her feet.
Emotionally she has been all over the place. Keeps asking am I sure I want to do this. I explained of course I want to do this. I have continued to monitor her last month and she was still meeting up with him in the woods. She has been out every weekend, gone to Atlanta by herself, and then to a concert in Savannah two weekends ago. People from our town were 2 rows behind and said she left after the 3rd song and never came back.
So I’ve realized I do not want to be with someone that treats me like this. I could never fully forgive her due to way too many betrayals and the ongoing affair even after exposed etc... I will make it in my own. I will rediscover myself and I will move forward. If we find our way back to each other then it will be down the road. She continues to want to show me affection and has been crying a lot lately. She never ever has bouts of crying. I think she loves me but she wants to be free to continue her affair in private and I’m secret due to everyone knowing. She doubts her future and admits that she is not right and feels like something is wrong with her. I’ve realized it is for her to figure out and not me.
As for me I am doing much better. Lawyer will be filing this week and the house went on the market yesterday. Once papers are filed she will have 10days to move out. Everything has been amicable and I do not want to be ugly going through the divorce. She refuses to hire a lawyer because she is stubborn and she says she will represent herself. Of course that is who she is and she will always be that way. She thinks she is smarter than everyone else and that she has all the answers. She is very controlling and has always been that way. Hell she was telling me how to do the yard work on Sunday and I told her she could go boss our 14 year old around in the house.

It’s been self empowering to list the house, separate bank accounts, and file for divorce. I’m just ready to get it over. I’m sure I’ll have a lot of grieving to do once she does finally move out. I still love her but I know I it’s best I grieve, heal, and move on. Of course we have kids so I will never really truly be done with her. For some reason it just hit me and I know this is what I want. I have no regrets because I stuck it out for 9 months now even knowing the affair was ongoing. I think it really flared back up somewhat last month. He can have her. She is super jealous and controlling. I can find better. Maybe not someone with supermodel looks but I’ve realized that isn’t what matters.
What matters is having someone you trust and that trust you. Someone that isn’t jealous, possessive, or controlling. This is what makes a woman a 10!!
In a way she is still trying to keep me on the hook and she admitted to cake eating the other night. Hopefully the house will get sold within 6 months and I will be much better off financially. Debt free and a chance to rent or buy my own place. She has decided to do joint custody of our son but once he is with me next year he will be with me most of the time due to playing high school sports and the amount of time it consumes. He plays football, basketball, and baseball. Summer we will have workouts everyday and during the year he will be involved in those sports. I think I took 3 days off at Thanksgiving and only 4 days off at Christmas.
She will move out and buy all new furniture and she is taking most of the credit card debt so I am happy with those terms.
I will make it and I will be fine. The worst part has to be living with someone and knowing that they are meeting up with someone else. Divorce can’t be more painful than living in that type of situation. That isn’t marriage that is hell!