Stranger In My House Part 3

[may22]

*quietly raises hand..... I do not feel powerless doing it though. I don’t prioritize his stuff either. This laundry thing is not big on my list. Haha!! If I had to choose one thing that I’m not doing to take back power....would be to stop listening to his rant about work. Not sure how I’d go about that though. We already don’t talk very much.

Wooba, OK! You do you! As long as you are cool with it and aren't doing it out of a desire to keep connected or show your value or whatever. Do you fold it too??? And that time really, truly couldn't be better spent watching a Grey's Anatomy rerun eating chips and guacamole? Just checking On the not listening to the work rant stuff, that is harder. Does it make you feel badly when you have to listen to it? Can you identify what about that makes you feel powerless and act on those smaller things without stopping listening to him entirely?

Choose one thing you want to do just for you that he would HATE. Do it and take childish pleasure in it. (This is my pettiness coming out. but it helps.)

What do you do may?? I am curious!

Ha ha, I'm not sure I want to say because you guys will all like my H even less now (and maybe me too)... but for instance I fed the kids toast with Nutella (just a little bit) for breakfast because he totally disapproves, but in fact the amount of sugar in a tiny sheen of Nutella is not all that big of a deal. I *did* throw out the comforter I know he liked and bought a new one just like one I'd had before and he'd convinced me to ditch but I always loved (and I f-ing LOVE my new sheets. I love them every time I get in my bed. That was so worthwhile.) I bought the kids fish and a fish tank and they are super messy when they feed the fish and I know seeing the fish food all over the bathroom counter kills him. (TBH it bothers me too. I might regret that one.) One week when he was gone, I let the house go to a total disaster zone all week with stuff everywhere and the kitchen a total wreck which would drive him berserk. I actually cleaned that up before he got home, but all week long I felt like a teenage rebel and loved it. He also hates stuff on the kitchen counter, so I used to put my coffee grinder away between uses. I left it out (which is waaay more convenient and he hasn't said a word). When he was away the weekend before last and the girls and I stayed at a hotel, I gave the girls a "yes" day where I said yes to everything, which included some significant swathes of watching TV in the middle of the day, which he would totally disapprove of, and I said "yes!" merrily and we watched cartoons and ate goldfish and cuddled. It was awesome.

Anyway. That probably all sounds ridiculous and I'm sure fuels speculation about what is wrong with me or H or our R, but it is all true. My H hates messiness and sugar and TV (for the kids) and I have definitely gotten some stupid enjoyment out of some of this. I will also say that earlier on in our sitch I was the opposite, I kept the kitchen extra spic and span when I was cooking so that he wouldn't look at it and get annoyed. Now I cut that all out. I do generally keep the kitchen clean because I am not, in fact, an 18 year old boy and do prefer it clean... but I'm doing it for me, not out of some desire to make him like me again. And the weirdest thing is all these pet peeves I've had with him (mostly around him being a giant hypocrite, like he leaves his dirty dishes in the sink when he's working from home and yet if I were to do the same he'd flip)-- now if I get home and there are his dirty dishes in the sink, 7 times out of 10 he'll pop over to the kitchen as soon as I come home and take care of them. The other three times I might just do them because I'm feeling nice. We had definitely fallen into this tit-for-tat R with household chores and that is now mostly gone, but I don't know if any of this had anything to do with that.

HesAble, sorry to hijack your thread.... how are you feeling about all of this? What GAL activity did you choose today?