You've got a lot of reading and learning to do. Your husband is rewriting history to justify to himself what he is doing. Common. Mine did that too. I think they all do.
Your first move is to stay calm. Don't take any of what he said personally. Don't demean yourself by begging, pleading or trying to reason with him. If he wants to file for divorce, tell him you disagree but will not stop him, but are not going to do anything to help. And drag it out as long as you can. Get an attorney and tell the attorney you want him/her to slow walk and delay everything. Then you start your divorcebusting (get the book). Especially read about the Last Resort Technique. The more you can follow those steps precisely the better you will do.
Really, stay calm. I just went through this ordeal myself and I won. Mine was pretty gone too at BD but time has a way of turning things around.
There's one thing I heard over and over: "people don't leave what they have unless they think what they're going to is better." Most of the time, "better" is a fantasy. Half the battle is to wait out the fantasy.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
