I am not discarding her. She doesn’t want the relationship as much anymore. She wants to move in with me and I said I don’t think that is a good idea.
Sounds like she's sending you some mixed signals. She doesn't want the R as much, but she wants to move in. I've learned the hard way that a relationship needs to be on very firm footing before moving in together or the R will not survive. Before I got married I moved in with a GF I had been happily dating a year and another year later we were beyond done with each other. After my D my GF got herself into trouble with her apartments (for having a pit bull) and couldn't renew her lease, so she moved in with me temporarily. Oh man, the stories I could tell. It was a disaster. She moved out and we did continue to date, but years later she was still harboring resentment over it.
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My kids need to get adjusted to this new life.
It takes a woman of deep emotional stability and maturity to step into that situation of moving in with someone that has kids. It doesn't sound like your GF is anything close to that.
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I told her she could be there most of the time. But she can’t stay over when my kids are there and she is having a hard time with that.
So did my GF. These are huge red flags and it sounds like you are choosing to ignore them like I did. I eventually saw how selfish and immature my GF was being, but it took a major event before I woke up. The event was my father dying a few weeks ago. I asked her to come over because I was really down about it. She instead chose to go on a bar crawl with some friends and got so messed up on mushrooms that she was sending texts I couldn't even read. She spent the entire weekend drinking and getting high and barely texting me a word in my time of grief. Then she chose to pick a fight over my "selfish" request to have her drop everything and come see me. Don't wait for it to go that far with your GF, you're already seeing the red flags, pay them heed.
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I told her if things go well over time, then yes, I would have her move in.
No. No promises. Tell her that FIRST she needs to show you emotional stability and maturity, and THEN the two of you can discuss those options.
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Honestly if these problems are happening now what’s it going to be like down the road.
I can tell you, because I've already been there.
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I understand she wants to be and feel like she is number 1 in my life. Every boyfriend/girlfriend wants to, but it’s not just about her and I. I have kids I need to take care of and protect.
That's correct. My XGF has a daughter, I told her that I expect her daughter to be a priority over me just as my kids are a priority over XGF. She said she understood and respected that, but of course would then pick fights with me over how I focused too much on the kids and not on her. Even though most of her excuses about not having time to see me were because of her daughter.
If any of this is sounding familiar then break it off with her now. It's not going to change with time.
