WW is not in any type of IC. I agree and although she doesn't seem interested in going for herself, she has said that *if* we get back together that she would be willing to go to a marriage counselor to help us through all of the trust, intimacy, commitment issues.
Hey Kristin. Still following along - remember to believe none of what they say. It is what she is feeling in the moment. Also remember that since she is actively involved in an R with someone else, you have no idea what she is telling that other person. She could be saying something similar to OW - or not, it is impossible to know.
Also, those would be reasons for her to go to IC. She has those issues, not you. That is projection.
Originally Posted by Kristin
Originally Posted by may22
Here are a few ideas for you to take or leave. Of course what everyone is going to say on here (and I don't disagree) is that what you *should* do is walk, go NC, let her feel the actual loss of you for more than a week, and continue to focus on yourself while she either gets her $hit together or she doesn't... and if she does, then you can decide if you're interested in getting back together with her or not.
I know that many of you are yelling at the screen telling me just this, and believe me - I get it. I admit that I have fears that if I did walk, it would be an easy excuse for her to close the door for us and commit to OW. And, yes, if that is what became of things then maybe we were not meant to be together after all. AND, I know that I would be ok in the future.
Honestly I think may is right. The fears have already manifested. She is already with another person. I dont think you really want to be involved with someone who is openly in an R with another person, if I am reading your sit right...?
You don't have to "walk" or "give up". I think theres a misconception about those words. I would think it more appropriate to call it "letting go". Let her have the fantasy that she thinks will make her happy.
Right now she's got the best of both worlds. There is no consequence if she knows she can keep running back to you every week. Losing you will shove her fantasy into reality very quickly.
I'm not saying to let go forever. It's just what you would do "for now".
Originally Posted by KristinG
I'm trying to hang onto just being myself. Standing, being a friend, working on listening, and generally making improvements within my own life. Those are my basics and when I said I'm not ready to walk, for me, it means that I'm continuing to do these things until I can't anymore.
Part of what makes it so hard to consider walking is that on a daily basis, ww makes comments about our future together. "When we buy this house we need to redo the floors." "We are going to have such an amazing vacation together this summer."
I know this is hard, Kristin. Be kind to yourself. Keep working on detachment - keep focusing on you. Let WW have her drama, that belongs to her and it is on her to work through it whatever way she needs to.
