WAW - is it too late?

[RVM]

So, just wanted to update my sitch.

Not much has changed over the past few weeks. Been GAL'ing, 180ing, and detaching with a little success. It has definitely been a roller coaster ride. I'm up and down on this quite a bit.

A couple of concerns - I think a lot of my efforts have come off as too cold. I'm torn as I still don't have concrete proof of a PA yet, all of the signs are there. I found a lot of older phone records to the person I suspected she is having the PA with. She works at the same company as he does. There are enough calls and the timing of many of them is very concerning. I haven't confronted her with that information yet. And, I don't want to keep snooping as she is aware that I believe she is cheating. I think they may have taken a more underground approach to conceal their relationship. Do I apply Sandi's tough stance on her?

My W continues to follow the WWS script. Lots of argument baiting that I do my best to validate, but have made mistakes and gotten sucked in a few times. She seems to relish on this. It's amazing. And, really awful.

I am at the point where I am seriously considering reaching out to the suspected OMS about the phone record info I do have. Looks like almost 2 years' worth of phone calls. They have 2 kids as well. What is the board's opinion on this tactic?

Several weeks ago she asked me and the kids to go away to visit her family for this weekend. We have done so for several years now. At that time, I told her I'd think about it, but most likely not based on how things have changed. We hadn't been talking much at all and the times we did were just logistical for our kids. She followed up again, and this time I said I am not going. I have other things going on and reiterated that she had essentially fired me as a husband. (i.e. she had cut me off from sex 6 months ago, declared us as "partners", wasn't sure if she wanted a relationship with me anymore, and told me to "go do your own thing", etc) She didn't argue with me too much, but was more upset that the kids might not be happy about it.

The truth is - this might actually be the first time she's ever taken the kids away without me. Whereas, I've done it several times. The kids love going away with me, always have. They don't have that same relationship with her. I just want to make sure I'm making a right decision here and not doing something that is passive-aggressive. I also don't want to back peddle on my decision as I could still go. Part of my rationale for not going is to let her see a possible future reality.