Through The Storm III

[KristinG]

Is your W in IC? Sounds like she needs it if not.

WW is not in any type of IC. I agree and although she doesn't seem interested in going for herself, she has said that *if* we get back together that she would be willing to go to a marriage counselor to help us through all of the trust, intimacy, commitment issues.

Here are a few ideas for you to take or leave. Of course what everyone is going to say on here (and I don't disagree) is that what you *should* do is walk, go NC, let her feel the actual loss of you for more than a week, and continue to focus on yourself while she either gets her $hit together or she doesn't... and if she does, then you can decide if you're interested in getting back together with her or not.

I know that many of you are yelling at the screen telling me just this, and believe me - I get it. I admit that I have fears that if I did walk, it would be an easy excuse for her to close the door for us and commit to OW. And, yes, if that is what became of things then maybe we were not meant to be together after all. AND, I know that I would be ok in the future.

I think the basics are do what you're doing until you can't anymore, and a lot of what is focused on here on the boards is the LRT, what you do when nothing else is working and/or you can't continue for your own sanity in the current situation.

I'm trying to hang onto just being myself. Standing, being a friend, working on listening, and generally making improvements within my own life. Those are my basics and when I said I'm not ready to walk, for me, it means that I'm continuing to do these things until I can't anymore.

Part of what makes it so hard to consider walking is that on a daily basis, ww makes comments about our future together. "When we buy this house we need to redo the floors." "We are going to have such an amazing vacation together this summer."

I can really see that the wayward head is spinning endlessly. I read an interesting article the other day about how wayward behavior is as if the soul is being torn and is a direct reflection of feeling at war with your own sense of self. I'm proud of the fact that I have been more in control of my own emotional reactions and have not allowed WW's spinning to effect me (at least not in front of her).

KG