thank you all that replied back with your wisdom , and support. So many days I wake up and before I open my eyes I already feel defeated. I try so hard to talk myself up, but before I know it I am in the mire again. does the physical aspect of this knot of despair in my stomach, feelings of failure, and always on the verge of tears go away? what do I do to rise above all this? all of the reading I have done here and else where, it seems like she is in a time of indifference. how do I navigate this within myself? should I allow myself to be mad at her? will that help me? I just want to know what is ok to feel. I have this urge to tell her out loud that she wins, with any luck I will be broke, homeless and alone as she desires, or what I read from her actions, and words. I am really trying not to focus on any kind of stage, or time line. but, if she is in a time of indifference, is there any insight you guys can offer from practical experience? like where is she at when she makes the move to move out, becomes indifferent to me, has the dark death eyes? you guys have to know where I am coming from, just looking for any form of where I might be. if you guys could just throw me a bone from your experience I think would somehow help me. I will share with you something about myself. over the past few years, I had dreams where she would leave me, divorce me, disappear for a long period of time, I always hated these nightmares of sorts. never would I have thought I would have to live them in real life. but now a lot of what I dreamed has became a reality for me. the past couple weeks, I have started to have dreams that we were reconnecting in some way. weather it be talking, arguing. last night I had a dream that we decided to reconcile, and it was civil. is there anyone that might be able to interpret this? I am not making it up, trying to gain attention, or pity. these are real events that I am so confused about, and need help understanding. the dream I had last night is what prompted me to my post today. I read on here everyday, but do not post a lot, as you can see, because I don't have the words to put down.
something else I want to mention, last night when she picked up the babies and I was giving them hugs good bye, t is hard to separate from them every time, I tried not to cry, but I let a little out, but held it together best I could. she just looked at me with a look of discus, shook her head and walk off. no heart at all. how do I rebound from that kind of action?
