what should a stander do, exactly?

[Gerda]

Goonies, we've all been there. Your thinking right now is in a way totally right, I feel the same about my H, that disbelief and horror, but it's also just lies from the devil meant to keep you from peace. Your kids need you, especially if your wife is no longer the woman she was. Imagine how your kids feel, losing their mom in that way. Be honest with them that you are struggling but that you will keep putting them first. Do you have a pastor you trust to talk to about this? And/or a counselor? The answer is not hating her -- it's letting this version of her go. Hatred is a slavery for you, let her be the enslaved one and you work on your freedom from those feelings. She is possessed! Let her go and pray for her. The day will come when you feel more detached. It hurts a lot, we know! But you only have to get through today, not tomorrow. And believe me, your confidence will return too. Just keep telling yourself that the way you feel now is not how you will always feel and try to find one thing per day to feel grateful for. Your kids need you -- if you feel like your life is over, okay, go with that and just live for them. Your life is not over but if your brain is feeding you that lie, you can use it to find a reason to use your life for your kids' benefit. Lots of love. When I felt like you are feeling now, I carried Psalm 69 in my purse and read it all day.