Wayfarer, I like the hot-girl-nobody-can-have analogy. That makes sense. Also it makes sense that DBing is not just to try to get the wayward spouse to come back; it is good for us as individuals no matter the outcome of the M. I will keep this in mind.

I have just been wondering because I feel like I was always the tough, super independent type woman ordinarily up until BD and, like Pommy, think that personality of mine may have contributed somewhat to my current M situation. I think it was attractive to H at first but, over time, it may have bruised his ego a bit. He has said numerous times that he did not feel like I was all that into him and that I didn't seem to care much about fixing the M. He doesn't want to fix it now that he has found his new way of life (what I believe to be the mystery OW). In spite of my requests in the past to go to counseling, he has always refused (even pre-marital and after the last bout of confirmed infidelity).

Last edited by HesAble; 02/10/20 05:32 PM.
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9
BD - 11/2019
Married 14 years; Together 20 years