Alison- about the doing the dishes part- reminds me of a great book called “Fair Play” by Eve Rodsky. Not sure if it will help you, the book basically shows how to divide up the everyday workload of a M from a project management standpoint. Ex. The spouse who has the “weekly dinner” card would be responsible for the whole thing: conception, planning, and execution.
Might be fun to play the “game” for you guys just to try it out. I’m happy for you that you and your H are piecing. Although reading your thread I understand that it’s still hard work if not even harder than before. Good luck!!
I will look into this book - thank you!
We don't - as a rule - have much conflict around housework. I'd say I have more of the 'mental load' in some aspects of our lives, and he in others. I think we both do about 50/50. There are some minor annoyances - he's never lifted an iron in his life (but then again, I don't have much to do with servicing the car) and I generally manage money though we both earn it and have our own accounts. I'd say in that aspect of our lives we are in pretty much harmonious relationship. And I think we'd both agree that when we start sniping at each other over housework it's a sign of something else going wrong. H was incredibly critical over the most minor domestic thing before he left - it was wearing and unnecessary and tipped over into bullying lots of the time. But he never does that any more and would get short shrift if he did.
I’m happy for you that you and your H are piecing. Although reading your thread I understand that it’s still hard work if not even harder than before. Good luck!! 