Pommy: so sorry you are on this roller coaster. I too am on one but the only difference is my H is not saying anything positive about our M at all. I am starting to feel like it is hopeless.
I agree that you should not make a big financial commitment with him at this time. However, it sounds like things are moving somewhat in the right direction with the dinner and all. I am a newbie to all this though.
Don’t feel hopeless...you need to give it time. I know 3 months feels like an eternity, but it isn’t really. You are made of strong stuff and you seem to be figuring out your own thoughts - separating your own rational from irrational/reactive. That’s all you can focus on, because as everyone keeps reminding us, we have no control over their thoughts and actions. Over time you will see what your boundaries are and slowly you will feel like you are regaining a sense of control....but it’s a sense of control over yourself, because at the moment he is still controlling your situation and thoughts. I am still not fully out of that place but I am getting there little by little. You will too.
As for the dinner, we’ve had date nights and all sorts over the last year, been away together, but it hasn’t really changed anything...and it won’t....only he can change how he feels. All I can do is show him that I’m fun to be with. I guess that in itself serves as a reminder that we still know how to enjoy each other’s company, perhaps that is partly why he still hasn’t gone anywhere - he does say that he loves my company...but he wants something deeper.
M:49 H:49 T:20 M:18 D:16 D:14
EA: Feb 2019-May 2020 Separated: Mar-early Aug 2020 H asked to reconcile: Jun 2020 EA relapse: Oct/Nov 2020 Recon #2: since Nov 2020
