Stranger In My House Part 3

[Pommy99]

I am working on the compassion and trying to remember that H must be in emotional turmoil, but I always start wondering if his actions are in fact deliberate...if he is just a selfish, sorry narcissist who does not care who he damages, etc. Sigh. It is so hard to have compassion or remember he is in "pain" when he walks around smiling, wearing fancy new clothes, planning "fun" outings (kids & I of course are never invited), posing for social media photos, and appearing to be having the time of his life.

ugh this sounds so much like my husband last year, new job in the city, new wardrobe, endless selfies, endless nights out, staying in hotels. In his mind he was completely justified. After years of stagnant and SSM something had awakened him to the fact there was more to life than bad marriage. I don’t blame my H for rediscovering a zest for life but I also found it hard that he was happy to run two lives in parallel: 3 days in the city and 4 days of home comforts. Like you I felt like I was being trampled on and it was difficult to understand his turmoil when everything he did was so pre-meditated. Do you find it difficult to GAL when you are the one left at home to look after the kids? I imagine his unpredictable behaviour means you cannot plan your own nights out. That is very selfish of him. Are you able to say hey H, I’m out tomorrow night so please can you be home for the kids? Even if you have nowhere to go, go somewhere!!

I have got to come up with some GAL ideas for the weekend. I plan to get my nails done for one thing. I may plan a spa-at-home evening with wine, a good book, a facial mask, candlelit bath, and body scrub. I did a facial mask a few days ago and it felt amazing!

I had a home spa on Saturday...it was lush. I had a bath with scented candles, face mask, hair mask, pedicure. Also had my nails done last week...deep ruby red. I’m trying to do something for myself every day.

You have to keep this saying in mind "hurt people hurt people, healed people heal people." You guys are both on a journey. Both bumpy, both difficult, and while parallel they are two totally different paths. You gotta start worrying more about the directions and obstacles of your path through this and a lot less about what his path means

this is an amazing quote Wayfarer, but I am struggling with this concept. I am scared that showing my H that I will be ok without him means he will be more comfortable in walking away. At the moment, one of the reasons he says he has been unable to leave is guilt (not just for me but also the kids). I know deep in my heart that I don’t want a H who is only here through guilt - and I have told him that guilt and fear and not valid reasons to stay. But I’m scared that if I show I am at peace with him leaving, he will leave.

Keep strong HesAble....you are doing really well!