So.... I know Yail has already covered this but I did want to pipe in too... (a) I do think when our Hs are acting like children it is easy to treat them like children. But if my H said to me "I can't understand you when you mumble" (actually if anyone said that to me) I would feel a little annoyed. And, (b) I don't think there is ever a downside to not responding with anger in the heat of the moment. If you want to go back and talk about it later on if you missed the opportunity to validate in the moment (assuming there is an appropriate time) then, as Yail says, being truly curious about why he would feel unappreciated-- if that is indeed what he was mumbling-- would probably be the best way to address it. If you're just looking for an opportunity to get some digs in on his current behavior, I would skip it. What's the use?
Oh may. You’re absolutely right. He was being childish and I was too. Eventho I was smiling and saying it jokingly, I guess my intention has a bit of meanness to it. Honestly I’ve lost so much respect for him as a man, and for him to take little jabs at me here and there and can’t even own up to it, it pisses me off sometimes. So I agree, I should not bring it up to get some digs in on his current behavior. I need to be the adult here.
Originally Posted by may22
To me, I agree that you handled this well (not knowing the tone of voice or whatever though). He acted irrationally, you responded in a rational and normal way, then you both let it drop. He probably feels a little stupid and it was nice of you not to rub it in. And yes, he probably doesn't want you to see all that stuff right now because he is hiding a $hit-ton of information from you! Right? I would just let this go about the hotels. What is the point in hammering any of this in?
Again, I need to be the adult here as well. I don’t want to be misunderstood as someone who’s trying to stalk his whereabouts, but I don’t need to prove myself on this. I do get tired of his mis-remembering things or just straight out forgetting things that have happened. Like I’m the only who’s living this reality. Ugh. I guess it goes to the WAH’s confused mind.
Originally Posted by may22
i think there is a difference between walking on eggshells-- where you're consciously trying to avoid doing or saying anything to antagonize or upset your H-- and not saying that stuff because ... who cares? It doesn't bother you. It might seem the same from the outside-- wooba let his d*ckish behavior slide-- but I do think there is a big difference when it comes from fear and when it comes from detachment. You don't need to repress your feelings, but you can say what you think without spoiling for a fight.
This is very helpful to me. Thank you for pointing out the difference. I will have to think about this over and over again. And I love how you would just tell your H to stop being an a**. Lol! I will have to learn that. That will be my focus now, distinguish the walking on eggshells vs detaching and not taking sh1t!!!
