Alison- about the doing the dishes part- reminds me of a great book called “Fair Play” by Eve Rodsky. Not sure if it will help you, the book basically shows how to divide up the everyday workload of a M from a project management standpoint. Ex. The spouse who has the “weekly dinner” card would be responsible for the whole thing: conception, planning, and execution.
Might be fun to play the “game” for you guys just to try it out. I’m happy for you that you and your H are piecing. Although reading your thread I understand that it’s still hard work if not even harder than before. Good luck!!