You are doing so well and are such a mirror for me!! I am really taking away a lot about your insights on your fears and fear driven behaviour and thinking...as again our timeline and the MLC behaviour is so similar.
Originally Posted by cardinal
Even now, though, when he seems to have stabilized somewhat (again, outwardly, so I realize I am only observing the very tip of this iceberg), I notice little things he's stopped doing that used to bring him such simple joy and pure delight. These are things no one else would probably notice about him.
TRUTH. It was much easier for me too to remain mentally calm when his behaviour was more erratic. My H has also very much withdrawn and therefore it absolutely comes across as stabilizing. And as you mention, with no one else noticing these behaviours from H it makes it easier for us to self doubt.
Originally Posted by cardinal
Those persistent doubts hit again one night this week—what if H really never loved me, what if he was pretending to, pretending to be a different person for the entire M as he seemed to suggest once.
It’s awful how difficult it seems at times to stop their words from hurting us. It also plays into my fears and insecurities around our M and “what if” H never loved me and felt trapped or something. To go from trusting and loving our H’s unconditionally to allowing their crisis and behaviour to instil doubt in our M’s and in our minds/hearts is an awful feeling that I absolutely still struggle with.
Originally Posted by cardinal
Just because they elicit strong feelings in me doesn't make them true. They are just things I am afraid of. They are only beliefs if I give them that power. I might have to sit with them for a bit before I can see them for what they are, and it may be uncomfortable, but I don't have to base my actions on them.
So insightful! I found myself doing the same thing for quite a period of time. Feeling like I had to react to everything I found, or anything he said. Only in the last little while am I coming to peace with doing things on my a OWN timeline and not letting him scare me into any action. I am not purposely stalling his ask for me to get a L....but I am taking my time and doing my research and I will proceed when I am ready not because he wants this yesterday. This is a much better mind set for me than running around letting fear control me. This takes a conscious effort for me every day.
I LOVE that you made plans for Valentine’s Day and the reinforcement we get from our friends is invaluable isn’t it? I am thinking of going away for a long weekend...total 180 for me. We’ll see. Can’t wait to hear about your special dessert and the flowers!
